I saw a post a while ago about Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh that resonated with me. To sum it up the meme said even though Eeyore is clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in all of his friends adventures; his friends don’t expect him to pretend to be happy or to change, they love him anyway. This post made me feel so many emotions. That’s all anyone ever wants – to be loved and included no matter what. I’ve lost countless “friends” due to the depression & anxiety. Mostly before I even knew what was going on with myself. I was always the “flakey” friend. I even got nicknames like “Loafin Lita” etc. Before I was diagnosed I couldn’t understand why I would miss events I’ve looked forward to for months. Or why I’d get sick right before an event. I would beat myself up so bad for missing out, for letting people down, or for feeling weak because I couldn’t ignore the anxiousness. My self esteem would shoot all the way down making the depression worse. I’d hear all the jokes or snide comments every time I got invited to anything. I’d pretend to brush it off but deep down my feelings were hurt. Sometimes I’d miss work for the same reasons. Eventually I’d lose several jobs because of this. And because I wasn’t working I’d have a tighter budget which meant I couldn’t go out as much. That situation mixed with my “flakiness” insured that I stopped being invited to most things. I ended up losing a lot of “friends”. Some were weeded out and exposed as not being real friends anyway but some I truly miss. I’ve thought about going back and explaining why my flakiness might’ve seemed like I didn’t care but then I feel like there’s no point. After so long things will never go back to the way they were and we no longer know each other. I’ve lost a lot because of my disorders but I’ve also learned a lot about myself and about other people. I used to beat myself up and blame everyone else for failed friendships but I had to look at my self and my actions that contributed. Had I been aware and/or opened up about what I was going through maybe they would’ve been more understanding. I remember being so upset because one of my good friends didn’t invite me to her wedding. She said it was because she didn’t want to waste money if I didn’t show up. I was so hurt for a long time until I was talking to another friend and they said: “Well, you have to look at it from her point of view. She spent a lot of money and didn’t want it to go to waste if you didn’t show up. Although you felt it was a special day that you would’ve made sure to attend you also RSVPd in the past and didn’t show up, so she couldn’t take that chance.” I was still hurt to miss such an important day but I now understood. Now I’m more aware of my situation so I’m more open with my friends. They all know what I’m dealing with and I let them know how I’m feeling as well. If you’re an “Eeyore” don’t be ashamed to open up and talk about your feelings and what you’re going through. If you’re not, please be kind and know that all anyone really wants is to be loved and included.
Published by SheTheWriteHer
I'm a Super Mom of two. I am a huge advocate for Autism and Mental Illness. For as long as I can remember I have suffered with depression and anxiety. Writing became my solace. "All my life I had to write". View more posts