It has been about eleven weeks since I posted my last blog. I know everyone was wondering what was going on, so this post is to update you and announce my return. I know some of you were concerned when you saw that I had stopped posting and wondered if I slipped back into my depression. The answer is yes and no. I did have several episodes (most were average and 1 or 2 were more severe) but the main reason for my break was due to a commitment I made to myself this year – I promised to put complete focus on my mental health for the next couple of months in order to become my best self. I have been working on learning more about myself and my diagnoses over the last 3-4 years but every time I thought things were better, I came crashing down. This became a continuous cycle. However, this year I decided to do more, learn more, and fight even harder in order to get better. I know there is no magic cure for severe depression, that’s not what I’m looking for. Major Depressive Disorder will always be apart of who I am. I just want it to be more manageable. So I decided to concentrate on that, even if it means switching doctors, getting second and third opinions, and being extremely uncomfortable.
So here’s what I’ve been doing:
I went to a new therapist and I honestly didn’t get anything much from her except maybe a little more accountability. She also damn near committed insurance fraud when she tried to bill me for visits my insurance was supposed to pay for. I left and went back to my old therapist that I loved, but had to leave due to insurance changes.
I also went to a new psychiatrist who I loved. She had me try two new prescriptions – which didn’t work for me. She also administered this GeneSight test that can tell which medications would most likely work well with you, or will most likely cause problems according to your DNA. It was a very simple test. She just took a swab of my mouth and sent the DNA sample to the testing facility and in about two weeks we received very thorough results. Then my doctor prescribed me one of the top recommendations and I love the response I’m having. I literally have never felt better. But like I said before there is no cure, so a few weeks later the depression did come back but not as severe and long as usual. I am so thankful for her but I won’t be going back due to the office’s disorganization and incompetent front office staff.
The same psychiatrist also referred me to a neurologist for further testing and confirmation of my previous diagnoses. Over a span of several weeks I went to the neurologist, had an evaluation, and took several tests. Some were very easy and some were kind of difficult. Some were extremely long. One multiple choice test took me an hour to complete because there were almost 500 questions. When I got my results back I was surprised to find out that besides the major depressive disorder and the anxiety disorder being confirmed I also had ADHD. I was also told that I had “possible” OCD as well but I wasn’t tested for that. I’m sure I do have a slight touch of OCD because I can remember doing and saying random weird things when I was a kid because if I didn’t I’d get anxious & swore something bad was going to happen. Luckily I was able to recognize that it wasn’t “normal” and pretty much forced myself to stop the rituals before I got older. Even though I always day dreamed in class and could never finish anything, I had no idea I had ADHD. Most people fly under the radar if they aren’t hyperactive or a behavioral problem in class, I’m guessing that’s what happened here. My psychiatrist also gave me a new ADHD medication to try. I was skeptical at first because I remember a lot of kids back in the day that were on those meds seemed like zombies with no personality. I tried them anyway with the idea that I would just stop if they made me feel weird. The first thing I noticed was that the random racing thoughts slowed down to a “normal” level. I still have random thoughts but they’re not constantly racing or extreme (ie: thinking about my kids getting kidnapped or ran over by a car etc.). Another thing I noticed is I’m also able to focus a little better and longer.
Other than going through the highs and lows that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to. Thanks for all of the concerns. Thank you for your continuous support, even during my break. I’m happy to be back and I hope you all are doing well!