All My Life I Had To Write

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Well ever since my Mom let me know that I was tone death and after the modeling industry told me my nose was “too wide” (AKA “too black”). I’ve been writing songs & poems since I was about 11 or 12.  Around my Senior year of highschool my Mom introduced me to the Sex & The City show. Like many others I wanted to be the black Carrie Bradshaw. I wanted to be able to work from home on my own schedule, attend all the lastest events wearing $500 or more heels and have brunch every weekend with my sister & Bff’s. But in reality Carrie was barely getting by, making horrible decisions, in debt and her credit score was probably between 300-400. When I got older I realized I definitely didn’t want to be her or anybody else for that matter. Not that I could anyway because unlike Carrie I grew up poor, didn’t finish college and already had two kids by the time I was 19. Even though I was too shy to show my lyrics and poems, everyone always said how good my writing was. I’d do everyone’s resumes, cover letters and KSA’s for free. I never realized that writing was actually difficult for some people. When I did actually attend college for awhile I still had the immature highschool slacker mentality so I would wait until the last minute and complete full essays in a matter of minutes and still received at least a B. I went to school for nursing and received my CNA certificate. During that time I realized nursing wasn’t for me. My heart wasn’t in it and I thought to myself, I wouldn’t want a nurse who isn’t passionate to ever tend to me so it wouldn’t be fair to the patients. (I’ve always strongly believed in karma.) I decided to still finish and take the test because I’ve never really finished anything I started in life. Afterwards I changed my major to business administration because I figured I can use that degree pretty much anywhere. Once I got in the field I liked it because I was able to use my problem solving and analytical skills. I over analyze everything! It’s good for my professional life but horrible for my personal life. I also liked the fact that no one in our institute could do anything without my signature and approval. (Lol) But I still wasn’t happy. I never pursued writing because growing up we were always told that the arts are very competitive, there weren’t hardly any jobs and you wouldn’t make any money… And then came the technology boom. Next thing you know everyone had a blog. My sister finally convinced me to start a blog. Me being the ambitious woman that I am I started two. The first one was supposed to be about my opinions on celebrity gossip and news headlines. The second was based off of The Sex & The City show of course. I wrote about 3 posts on that one. (It’s still up. I’ll post the link below.) But then I got writers block. On the first blog I only posted an introductory post. Years later I tried to figure out why I didn’t do much with the first one even though I had all these big plans. Then it finally hit me. I never wrote anything on the first one because in reality I couldn’t care less about anybody let alone a celebrity. I also don’t like to debate about the news because a lot of people will believe whatever is fed to them without trying to think for themselves. Besides, most of it isn’t the real story anyway. I just thought I could get really big if that was what I wrote about. I thought I’d be the next Perez Hilton or Nicole Bitchie. When I came up with this blog I wasn’t even thinking about writing. I was just laying in bed thinking about how I’ve come a long way and how now I can actually talk about what I’ve been struggling with all my life. And then the words just came to me. This blog will be mostly about living with mental illness and whatever else I feel like discussing in relation to that. For years I’ve always heard people say things like: “I felt the need to share my story because maybe I can educate the uneducated or maybe I can save one little girl from some of the things I’ve been through or if nothing else I can show at least one person they’re not alone.” and I’d always say to myself that it’s not genuine or it’s so cliche. Now I get it and I’m finally ready to share my story so enjoy. 

*Side note: So my daughter just walked in while I was writing the end and I explained what I was writing and you wouldn’t believe what she said… She say’s “Mom if I knew what the first blog was supposed to be about I would’ve been told you that wasn’t a good idea. You don’t even like celebrity gossip.” Well if that isn’t confirmation that I’m headed in the right direction… Lol

Published by SheTheWriteHer

I'm a Super Mom of two. I am a huge advocate for Autism and Mental Illness. For as long as I can remember I have suffered with depression and anxiety. Writing became my solace. "All my life I had to write".

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  1. The thought “all my life, I had to write” just came to mind. Like most ppl when a thought happens, google it… lol. I found this post. You and I are kindred spirits with writing. I encourage you to keep going. Start where you are and remain consistent. BTW, I’m talking to both of us😉✊🏾

    1. OMG thank you so much! It’s crazy that I had just finished writing a new post after weeks of not posting and I see your comment. These types of comments are what inspire me to write and what will keep me going even when it gets tough! I can’t wait to check out your writing! I’ll also follow you on social media if you’re on anything. I love to keep in touch with positive like-minded individuals. ❤

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